Author Erich Segal recently passed away.  His book, LOVE STORY was a huge hit and was turned into a successful, tear-jerker of  movie.  It also put the ridiculous phrase: “Love means never having to say you’re sorry” into the public consciousness.  Really?  If that’s true, can any of us ever claim to have been “in love?”

     A statistic on our show today claimed that women apologize on average, at least five times a day.  Men only three.  Why?  Do women have more to apologize for?  Are men just too stoic to say the words?  No and no.

     One of the rationalizations from the women in the studio was that women do it (apologize) more as a method of peacekeeping in relationships.  Apologizing is easier than continuing on with what they have have determined to be a “dead- end” discussion.  Some of the men claimed that they say it, just because “it’s expected” of them.  Both seem to lack the sincerity of what an apology is supposed to be about.

     I’ll admit it. I say it.  A lot.  And a good percentage of the time, I mean it because I’m not the easiest person in the world to be in a relationship with, but what comes to mind is- am I apologizing for “who I am” or “what I’ve done?”  It’s tricky, emotional territory.  I don’t think you should apologize for WHO you are be you man OR woman.  If you have a problem with that, ha- “I’m sorry.”  You should’ve read the brochure in its entirety when we met.  Apologizing for what you’ve done?  Well that’s a whole different matter.  We’ve all spoken a harsh word, committed a stupid act or in my case have managed to do both in one fell swoop.  (Yeah, I’m THAT good.)  That’s when an sincere apology definitely comes into play…along with dinner,  a small gift and the already broken promise that you will “never do that again.”  But here’s something to consider…

     My grandparents were married for over 50 years.  I lived with them for awhile as I was growing up.  I am not exaggerating when I say that not a day went by where they were not at each other’s throats about something.  After awhile, I didn’t think anything of the daily tirades.  In fact, I would be taken aback a bit when I would go to other people’s homes where seldom a harsh word was spoken.  It was weird and struck me as a bit surreal, and served as the only times where I saw television without the volume cranked to rise above the din of argumentative voices.  My roundabout point is this:  my grandparents, despite word after harsh word, never apologized to one another for any of it.  The truest and most sincere version of an apology came when my grandfather passed away.  My grandmother would sit in her late husband’s favorite chair on the front porch and just sigh and quietly say how much she missed her “Nicholas.”  I guess in this particular case, Mr. Segal got it right.  Staying married for over 50 years and missing that person everyday afterwards spoke for the volumes of apologies that were never uttered.  And this isn’t a cop out, but  I will note that my grandparents came from a different time, where the socialization of marriage and love was reflected and dealt with in different ways.  In 2010, can we still hold on to “love means never havingto say you’re sorry?”  Yeah…’cause now we can ”text” it instead.  Now, go play nice.

     Okay.  Time to start blogging again.  I haven’t for awhile because the holidays were hectic which led into a new year that was equally hectic, which also led to a mild case of apathy as I played a little catch-up.  Now as February is just around the corner, I feel I’m ready to rejoin my spot in the human race.  (I’m in 645th place by the way).

     In January, I made sure to make NO resolutions, but by saying that I realize now that I unconsciously made a resolution.  But I’m happy to report that as of this writing, I haven’t broken that particular vow, or I’ve kept it.  Depends on your perspective. 

     I know that exercise is on tap on one of these starts to the week, but I’m waiting for those who made that particular resolution to fail so I  don’t have to wait for a treadmill to open up.  Smoking is still part of 2010 for me, though I think another attempt to quit might be on the horizon.  There are other things on the list too, but I’m not going to rattle them all off right now.  I need to have something else to write about later this week.